i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
How does one acquire holy water?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
