I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
