whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
