how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
