nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
