im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
