it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
