You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
