she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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