dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
