he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Randomize
