What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Randomize
