i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
