I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
