I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
