So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
