FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
