just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
