Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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