are you still at the devil's house?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i think i just lost a toe
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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