I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
