New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
