I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
