Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize