margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
