on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
