Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize