rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
God, I missed his penis.
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