Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize