He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
