See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
