I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
