Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
