South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
