I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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