You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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