hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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