How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
