I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize