why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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