you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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