We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my being single is dangerous.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
