Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
