If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize