me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
