Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
