your thong is hanging out like whoa
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
