I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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