He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
this hospital has no fireball
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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