Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
