Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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