he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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