omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
