I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
