some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
