My sheets look like a crime scene.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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