looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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