whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
