Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
