There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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