I just made out with a guy for $7.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
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