every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
