Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
