Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
