Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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