As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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