Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Randomize
