Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
