NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
