just come out here and I will go home with you...
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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