he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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